Ask E. Jean – When Is It Okay To Have An Affair?

Dear E. Jean: I love my husband, but he’s so focused on making money, and is so depressed, anti­social, and controlling. We haven’t had sex in five years. I am happy-go-lucky and artistic, enjoy people, and have embarked on a self-improvement plan. I’ve hired a personal trainer and started working out. The trainer is much closer to me than my husband is—we have lunch, talk deeply, laugh, and act silly together. The upshot is I’m falling in love with him. My husband won’t see a counselor and I’m afraid of divorce, but I’m tired of no sex, no touching, no holding, and no confiding. Can I have an affair?—Hot to Trot

My Trainer Trot, my trollymog: Yes. You are permitted to have an affair. But first you must tell your husband: “Yo Sweetheart, my perpetual appeals for you to `touch’ me are tuckering me out. Therefore, I’m going to enjoy a little nook-nook with my trainer.” You may then proceed with the fling…or your husband might decide to see a physician, find out what is physically/mentally wrong with him, return home with a sack of Viagra, and embark on the exquisite hanging and banging of an intimate marriage. Either way, life’s too short to go without bliss!

This letter is from the Ask E. Jean Archive, 1993-2017. Send questions to E. Jean at [email protected].