I Don’t Like Who My Fiance Is Becoming

Dear E. Jean: Maybe I was living in la-la land, but when I stumbled across some messages my fiancé recently shared with two male friends, I was horrified! Turned off! Disgusted! Sick to my stomach! I cannot cope with this new version of him! He claims it’s “guy talk” and has apologized, and I know boys will be boys; but I need help seeing him as I did before, when I thought that he was the last gentleman in the city who wasn’t a sleaze. —It Was a Beautiful Relationship Until This New Version Appeared

Miss Until, My Turnip: No woman on earth likes to see this kind of bilge, I agree. But as Walt Whitman says, we “contain multitudes,”and your fiancé’s multitude is probably more annoying (and more marvelous) than you’ll ever know. He’s apologized. Forgive him, darling, or he may start wondering why a “new version” of his future wife is breaking all laws of decency and privacy and going through his phone.

This letter is from the Ask E. Jean Archive, 1993-2017. Send questions to E. Jean at [email protected].