He Had the Saddest Nipple Piercing in the World

Some dates good; most dates bad. In ELLE.com’s Dates of Wrath column, anonymous daters share true stories of their very worst rendezvous. This week: He asked me to play with his nipple ring after 10 minutes.

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It was my first real date, from OkCupid, way back when. He totally looked like his picture, average skinny white dude, no red flags there. We met at this bar down the street from my apartment—not quite a dive, not quite a lounge. A lot of rockabillies hung out there; sometimes they would have a hot rod show. I just remember it was so loud.

We sat down and got a few drinks. The only thing I remember talking about was him telling me this horribly embarrassing story of how he wound up with his nipple pierced. I think he had it on his profile, like, “Ask me about how I got my nipple pierced.” So when we were chatting, I asked him about it. He’s like, “Oh, that’s definitely a story for in person. Why don’t we grab drinks?”

At some point, because it was so loud, and because I was 21 and really naïve, I was like, “Hey, I actually live down the street and I can’t hear a word you’re saying, do you wanna just go have a drink there?” Not realizing what that implied.

Ten minutes into being at my apartment, he was lunging at me, sticking his tongue down my throat. He’d lunged at me perfectly. I was like, “Oh, I have some whiskey, or would you like water, or tea?” I think I got us some tea. We were sitting down and talking and then he was rubbing my leg and then he went in for the kiss. I was just like, I’m not crazy into this, but I’m also not not into it, so whatever. I’m just gonna go with it. It was definitely aggressive, and then also a lot of tongue. A lot, just everywhere. No easing into it. I was very confused; he was older, maybe in his late twenties. You’re supposed to be better at this!

Anyway, about the nipple ring. There was a chick he liked, and right after he graduated high school, he was hanging out with her. She was like, “I want to go get my nipple pierced, will you come with me?” He was really into her, so he did it. He got his done first. Then she went to get hers done, but the guy took her into a back room and spent a lot of time with her. He said, “I realize now that she was probably having sex with him, she wasn’t just getting her nipples pierced.” He just sat there while the girl that he was into was having sex with some dude. But he kept it, for seven years or until whenever I met him. Who knows, maybe he still has it.

I can’t remember if he took his shirt off, but I think I did make him show it to me. It was just a very basic ring. I think I told him my friend had the same one—two of my friends had just gotten their nipples pierced. The fact that he had one had originally excited me because I felt it alluded to him being a freak, in a good way, but then I heard the story and was like, Oh no.

Then I finally, eventually had to stop when he whispered in my ear. He’s like, “Do you wanna play with my nipple ring? I like it when people lick it.” I said, “I don’t think this is gonna work out. You seem nice, but I think we should just quit while we’re ahead.” I pulled back. He got kind of upset, but he just put his jacket on and left. I never spoke to him again.