Normcore political zaddy Beto O’Rourke has grown a beard and, while I appreciate the thousands of texts, calls, and telegrams, I must publicly state that I am still processing it at this time. Bae-to, about whom scientists say Avril Lavrigne wrote her seminal anthem “Sk8er Boi,” has been on quite the journey since the end of his Senate campaign against Ted Cruz. He became a Medium blogger, he got into baking on Instagram Live like an influencer, and he spent New Year’s Eve building and then sitting in an igloo.
Would all of these be my choice? No. Do I mind seeing Bae-to’s toned arms lugging blocks of packed snow? Also no. So, what I’m saying is that for me and for Beto the past few months have been a mixed bag. Nevertheless, I am happy to see your high school prom date who could definitely still get it living his best life out loud. I trust Bae-to to do what’s best/hottest for himself, to check in with his spirit, and to continue looking like the lead in a Lifetime Christmas movie about a harried history professor who falls in love with the owner of the town bakery while on sabbatical to write a book about Rutherford B. Hayes. This is the agreement that Bae-to and I have come to and I am happy with it.
Which is why it pains me to say that I do not yet know how I feel about his new beard, which made its debut on a Facebook Live chat about the Southern U.S. border last night.
Here’s an image from the video:
And here’s footage of me seeing Bae-to’s beard for the first time:
Thank you; no further questions at this time.
I am glad that Bae-to was focusing on what was truly important: speaking truth to power about what was really happening at the border. But I must admit I am little perturbed that he didn’t at least begin the video by acknowledging that, yes, there was more hair on his face and, no, he didn’t check with us first, and, yes, it made him look less like a love interest for C.J. Cregg and more like someone who is selling CBD products at a craft fair, and, no, that is not a bad thing, but, yes, it will take some adjustment. Is that too much to ask?
I also can’t help but notice that Beardo O’Rourke debuts six weeks after his former political opponent Ted Cruz “grew” a “beard.” Am I saying that Beardo is copying the noted Zodiac aficionado? No. Ted Cruz’s beard looks like it was applied by a middle school drama student for a production of Long Day’s Journey Into Night. It’s less a beard than a situation. Beardo’s beard is fine and not against God’s plan. It’s just different.
Let’s take another look:
On one hand, it’s impressive that Beardo is one of the only people whose hotness transcends the grainy video of a live internet broadcast. On the other hand, this sort of looks like I’ve arrived at a point in my Chat Roulette journey that could literally go in any direction. Again, am I complaining? No. Am I nervous? Yes. Did I watch to the end? Also yes. Beardo’s face is full of hair and I am full of feelings and we’re all just trying to live our best/hottest lives out here.
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