Ariana Grande Answers Your Family’s Most Annoying Holiday Questions

Two indisputable truths: Ariana Grande’s “thank u, next” is the smash of the season and, if you’re headed home for the holidays, you will have to play the world’s least fun game of 20 questions with pesky family members. From a problematic uncle who drinks like a fish to a grandmother who “zooms” in on all your Instagram pictures, inquiring minds want to know what you’re eating, who you’re hooking up with, and what it is you do all day.

Instead of anxiously laughing and answering with the least amount of information required before you can squirm out of the conversation entirely, answer with three small words. No, not I love you. Three far more powerful words.

On Relationships…

Are you still single?

thank u, next.

Why are you still single?

ʇxǝu ‘n ʞuɐɥʇ

Why didn’t you bring your boyfriend/girlfriend?

Thank you, next.

What ever happened to *insert person you dated thirty years ago*?

ty, nxt

When are you guys thinking of getting married?

When is the wedding?

When are you thinking of having kids?

Thank YOU, next.

On Work…

What is it you do again?

Alexa play, “Thank u, next?”

What does ‘Social Media Manager’ mean?

On Physical Appearance…

Did you gain a few pounds?

THANK YOU, NEXT!

You’re so skinny, are you eating?

ThAnK yOu, NeXt.

You look tired? Are you getting sleep?

thank u, next

Why aren’t you eating the dish I made?

thank u, next

That dress is a little tight?

thank u, next

Those pants are a little baggy?

~*[email protected] y0u, n3xt*~

Are those jeans supposed to have all those holes in them?

thank uuuuu, nexxxt!

Family Questions on Visitation…

Why don’t you ever come visit us?

Why don’t you ever call us?

You need to be nicer to your cousin. Why aren’t you nicer to your cousin?

When can we come up and visit?