I Am Obsessed with Fergie’s Golden Snitch Hat at Princess Eugenie’s Wedding

This morning, the British continued their cold war against the United States by holding another royal wedding in the middle of the night. Technically, Princess Eugenie and Jack Brooksbank were wed at a time when it was “morning” in “England,” but as the great American industrialist Daddy Warbucks once said, “if it’s dark on the Chrysler Building, it’s dark around the world!” Anyway, I’m not here to argue about whether time zones exist (they do not); dearly beloved, I have gathered you today to scream about the fact that Princess Eugenie’s mother floated into the royal wedding wearing a Golden Snitch hat.

A HAT THAT LOOKS LIKE THE GOLDEN SNITCH!

Sarah Ferguson, previously known as Fergie before American singer Sarah Ferguson became known as Fergie and Britain’s Fergie became known as Sarah Ferguson again, was clad in green, complementing her daughter’s emerald-accented crown. Atop her red tresses she wore a wide-brimmed green hat, like a Carmen Sandiego spinoff or Troye Sivan on a casual day. The hat was accented with a green and golden band that extended above her head like the wings of the Golden Snitch or an art deco accent on Daddy Warbucks’ favorite office building. And I cannot get enough!

In Harry Potter lore, the Golden Snitch is a fast-moving, winged ball that flies around the Quidditch pitch. The Seeker spends the entire match trying to catch the Snitch. And when you put it like that, it sounds like love and I’m crying.

Judging from the number of Golden Snitch engagement rings that come up on an Etsy search, I am certain that someone has incorporated it into their vows. “For all my life, I was a lonely Seeker, drifting aimlessly on my broom. But, you zipped into my life with your buzzing wings, glimmering in the sun, and I knew that I wanted to follow you for the rest of my days.” AH MY EMOTIONS!

While the Golden Snitch is the most oddly romantic of interpretations for Fergie’s hat, one must admit that it also lends itself to other, equally popular figures. For instance, Fergie could be saying “Go Go Gadget Wedding” with this millinery.

She could also be hiding some refreshments for the afterparty in the East and West wings of her headpiece.

Or she could be paying homage to an airborne Sally Field character whose only marriage was to the Lord.

It’s like Daddy Warbucks said, “While America sleeps, Britain is putting wings on hats!” which didn’t make sense at the time, but now seems pretty prescient, don’t you think?

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