My Boyfriend Never Compliments My Appearance

Dear E. Jean: Next to my boyfriend (who is overweight, balding, and mopey), I look like Halle Berry. Every chance I get, I tell him how smart, reliable, and honorable he is. And I mean every word of it—at his core, he is a very good man with many fine qualities. But he never returns the compliment. I’ve told him time and time again how important it is to me to hear he likes the way I look. He (finally!) mustered “I like your pants….” When pushed, he added: “You look fine.”

E. Jean, frankly, I look great. He tells me he loves me and that I’m the most important person in his life. This is lovely to hear, but his lack of enthusiasm is starting to dull my desire to have sex. I want to feel pretty and sexy! I try to look beautiful for him, and I get no reaction. —Am I Too Demanding?

Demanding: Girl, please. Next time you’re looking fatally attractive and the dullard remains silent, perform the Heimlich on his brain. Hand him a cheat sheet and declare: “Darling, you’re a supersmart guy and a lovable dolt. You know I like hearing that you like the way I look. So if you ever want to have sex again, choose one from each column.”

He will stare at the sheet in sulky confusion, so prompt him with a: “Dude! I realize you’re too shy [flustered, reserved] to think of words on your own. But you’re not nearly as beef-witted as your silence suggests. Just say my name, add the word your, and make your selections.”

Keep copies handy to give the big dope in the future. No woman should live even a day without being admired; when a woman is admired, she becomes dangerous.

This letter is from the Ask E. Jean Archive, 1993-2017. Send questions to E. Jean at [email protected].