Jason Kessler, Bobby Goodlatte, and Stephen Miller Were Embarrassed by Family Members This Week

From the “Are y’all sure you want to be talking about this in front of company?” file: this week, three conservatives got served a heaping plate of humble pie by someone who shares a shocking amount of their DNA. It’s apparently open season on abhorrent politicos, White House ghouls, and one boat-dwelling white supremacist being called out by family members who have suddenly emerged from a coma.

Early this week, the uncle of rotting corpse Stephen Miller wrote a scathing essay on Politico in which he highlighted Miller’s family’s immigration story and contrasted it with the inhumane policies Miller and the Trump administration are shoving down the country’s throat. “I have watched with dismay and increasing horror as my nephew, an educated man who is well aware of his heritage, has become the architect of immigration policies that repudiate the very foundation of our family’s life in this country,” Miller’s uncle, Dr. David Glosser wrote, essentially disinviting Miller from all future reunions.

Meanwhile, across town, Bobby Goodlatte, son of congressman Bob Goodlatte, a prominent face in the Peter Strzok circus, donated the maximum amount allowable to Jennifer Lewis, the Democrat running for Goodlatte père‘s seat.

The next day he followed up his donation with a tweet explicitly calling his father out for political grandstanding.

Whew, chile. The family.

Lastly, video surfaced this week of Jason Kessler, organizer of the Charlottesville rally, being yelled at by his father, with whom he is apparently living because the supremacy business isn’t so profitable.

This is like when you’re over a friend’s house and they suddenly start arguing with their partner in front of you and you’re like, “I think you’re misunderstanding the intimacy of our friendship. I just came over to watch Pose and soak up your air conditioning.”

Who will be the next politician to have a relative publicly turn against them? Maybe a cousin of Ted Cruz has something to say. Perhaps one of Betsy DeVos’ yachts will start a blog. Ivanka Trump might decide she’s had enough. (LOL, that last one is just ridiculous.)

Good on these relatives for calling their gross relations to the carpet. Family dynamics can be hard so I’m only going to shade them a little for how long it took. Maybe they had to get the blessing of a family matriarch or whisper shady things to each other in blueish light like the kin on Succession. In any case, welcome to Family Feud: Resistance Edition.

I’m calling on more relatives of scurrilous politcos to stand up to them, for the sake of the country and for my insatiable love of drama. If Paige Jennings can spend the first couple seasons of The Americans telling her murderous Russian spy parents that they suck, you can contribute to a GoFundMe to protect Planned Parenthood, Bruce.

Now, you might say this sort of “West Wing: Osage County” behavior is unbecoming of a political progeny, even unpatriotic. After all, Philip Hamilton fought and lost a duel to defend his father’s honor after it was besmirched. Shouldn’t genetic loyalty win out? That’s true, but is your immigration-hating senator father a rapping polymath, Chip? Is he? No, he is not. He is a slant rhyme in the American hymn and he needs to be revised. Your lack of inheritance tax will not save you from the melting icebergs, Kent, so maybe today’s the day to speak out about how your congressman dad has been in the pockets of oil companies for decades. Just a thought from me, a distant cousin of Barack Obama, who can do no wrong.

Follow R. Eric Thomas on Twitter.