Alex Rodriguez Filming Jennifer Lopez is Goals — Jennifer Lopez Performance VMAs

You know what Jane Austen always said: It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of an iPhone, must be in want of an internationally renowned, multi-platform sensation to constantly photograph. JLo received the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award at Monday night’s MTV Video Music Award and boyfriend ARod was on hand capturing GOAT-agraphic evidence in his perpetual capacity as the world’s best Instagram boyfriend.

While JLo power-posed and, later, stole the show with an electrifying performance that somehow produced a rush of early-2000s feels and yet zero drops of sweat on Jenny from the Block, Alex Rodriguez dutifully and gleefully stayed off to the side, storing every possible image of his beloved on his phone.

The dedication he has! The angles he captures! The concentration he’s giving! The data he’s using!

Also, shoutout to his bespoke mulberry tux and his flawless skincare routine. You’re doing the damn thing, ARod! But this is not about him. This is about her and his iPhone album full of pictures of her!

ARod has the sort of gadgety zeal that is not uncommon for men of his age, but no dad out there is putting his Portrait Mode to better use than the former Yankee training his sights on the star of Out of Sight, one of the best films ever made. Don’t @ me; @ Steven Soderbergh about getting a sequel.

ARod’s Instagram is basically a JLo stan account. Can you blame him?

LOL, ARod goes for comedy next to a romcom icon who chooses instead to go for smolder. I have to laugh.

Question: is ARod hiring photographers to document his relationship with JLo solely for use on his own Instagram? This is true dedication. Who can compare?! Your significant other needs to step their game up, hon.

Half the photos on ARod’s Insta look like ads for a cruise ship. These two are so close to taking Vacay Bae photos and I need this immediately. You know Vacay Bae: it would be a photo of JLo standing on a cliffside, with her back to the camera, reaching out and holding ARod’s hand, which is jutting up from the bottom of the frame. These are my needs.

At the VMAs last night, JLo won a career-capping award, Cardi B picked up a couple of moon men, and Madonna read her college application essay aloud, but no one had a better night than Portrait Mode Bae, Alex Rodriguez.

Bless the earnest redundancy of taking photos of someone at an event that is being covered by literally dozens of photographers and video cameras and being watched live around the world and which will almost immediately be available in the form of short clips (on sites like this one!) and in full on official feeds and bootlegs. It’s true dedication to think, “Wow, she’s amazing. I want to save this very publicly available moment forever on my personal iCloud account.”

I would kill to be on ARod’s group texts. Every day it’s a barrage of well-composed shots of one of the most famous people on Earth, looking pretty much like herself. He captions each with things like “Can you believe it!” and “Having lunch lol” and it’s perfect.

Honestly, I’d like to be on any celebrity’s group texts. What pictures is Oprah texting? I hope it’s exclusively photos of vegetables from her garden. Nothing would please me more. What snapshots is Michelle Obama sending out to close friends and family? Barack making funny faces? Is Michelle a meme queen? Does she screenshot the movies she’s watching and write pithy reviews on the pictures? “How does Tom Cruise still look 35 when he’s older than Wilford Brimley was in Cocoon?! Angela Bassett = GOAT 4EVA. Henry Cavill’s mustache!!!! Mission: Impossible: 4 stars.”

These are my needs.

Follow R. Eric Thomas on Twitter.