I Really Like This Guy, But I Don’t Think He Wants a Relationship

Dear E. Jean: I feel like I’m entitled to an explanation from a guy for his behavior. We were friends, had feelings for each other, never acted on them, and eventually lost touch. We’ve now reconnected and picked up right where we left off—calling, texting, hanging out. But the last time we got together, I found myself in his bed cuddling with him, and we kissed. Ever since, he hardly calls, and when he does, it’s when I’m busy. I feel like I’ve lost my friend. I texted him, asking if everything is okay between us; his reply was: “Yeah, we good.” Is there any way that I can bring this up to him without coming off as crazy? My girls tell me to forget him and move on, but that is easier said than done. Don’t I deserve an explanation?—Missing My Friend

Miss Friend, My Finch: Because men (1) explain absolutely everything when you don’t ask them to, and (2) explain absolutely zero when you do ask…and because women want to know the beginning, the end, and if the end is another beginning, it’s up to me to explain: He likes you but doesn’t like you.

You can laugh at the chap, roast him for not having the hots for you, tell him with affection to “kiss your ass,” and bring the thing back to a “friendly” footing—but you don’t really want “friendship.” You want something else, and, alas, this guy can’t give it to you. I’m sorry to give you more pain, my darling, but no amount of “deserving” or demanding or begging or pestering will bring the answer you truly seek.

This letter is from the Ask E. Jean Archive, 1993-2017. Send questions to E. Jean at [email protected].