Bride Fires Bridesmaid in Painfully Awkward Email

There’s an art to the passive aggressive, overly polite email, and a bride-to-be name Alex has gifted us with a masterpiece. In a message to one of her (now former) bridesmaids, Courtney Duffy, the bride did her best to pull off a nice breakup, complete with a request that her things be mailed back to her and a “we can still be friends” clause that Court was not having.

Here’s how it went down, based on the facts presented in Alex’s email: Some time ago, Alex asked Courtney to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. Courtney, presumably considering Alex a good friend, agreed, even though she lives across the country and is currently pursuing her MBA at Dartmouth (per Courtney’s Twitter bio). As the wedding drew closer, Alex wanted the full bridal experience, complete with a bachelorette weekend and full attention from her bridal party on the day of the event. Courtney, struggling to balance her school commitments and the wedding, juggled things around and made it work, but informed Alex that she would have to fly on Sunday night (which is apparently the night of the wedding).

Alex was not pleased and decided to replace Courtney in the wedding. She relayed that decision to Courtney via email, in a message that is at once overly polite and painfully passive aggressive. Behold, the text of the email in full:

Hey!

I’m so glad to hear you booked flights! I’m sorry classes are taking such a long time to sort out. I know how hard you’re working to be here for the wedding and it means so much to us!

I have a massive favor to ask you, though — and this is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to ask anyone — but I need to ask you to relinquish your duties as a bridesmaid.

Come to the wedding, have a fabulous time, and travel in the time you need to without stressing about anything else!

When I asked you, I was really hoping that you could be a part of this whole thing — the bachelorette trip, at least the weekend, prep and the full night of the event (a Sunday night flight means you won’t even be able to be there for the whole wedding)… the whirlwind nature of what your travel has become just won’t work with the duties as a party member. I’m so, so sorry!!

Please don’t feel you’re letting me down, I am asking you to do this. I love you and value your friendship so much and I fully understand the need for you to prioritize school! I want you to be able to focus on that without also worrying about any extra wedding worries.

And I know this is incredibly awkward, but there is a possibility that I might be able to have someone else step into the role and assume the duties. Could you please mail the jumpsuit to me? I’ll Venmo you the postage and the cost of the jumpsuit — just let me know the total.

I know everyone is looking forward to seeing you there! I know I am!

And if you’d like to chat on the phone, let me know! I promise we’re totally cool!

All my love,
Alex

Courtney tweeted a screenshot of the awkwardness, @-ing JetBlue and asking them to help refund her ticket because she no longer wants to attend the wedding at all, in spite of Alex’s assurances that they are “totally cool” and that she should still come to the wedding and have a “fabulous time.”

JetBlue did reply to Courtney’s tweet, promising tickets for a “future girls’ weekend” when Courtney and Alex “patch things up.” Which, okay.

The resounding sentiment from Twitter is that Courtney should keep her bridesmaid jumpsuit (which is apparently a thing) and take photos with it all over the world to send to Alex, which might be a bit salty, but so is the whole situation.