I Don’t Enjoy One-Night Stands

Dear E. Jean: My best girlfriend says women should feel “empowered” when we hook up with guys, because it means we’ve “worked” them. But lately I don’t feel empowered. I feel guilty.

Here’s what happened: My guy friend had been pursuing me, and last weekend, because of a strong cocktail, I decided to go for it. He came over to my place; we got a little more drunk and did our thing. To my own amazement, I was a wild thing in bed—definitely not my normal bedroom demeanor! Every time I think of that night, I blush.

He has called me several times, and I absolutely can’t bring myself to return his calls. He obviously loved my wilder side. I don’t understand why I am so scared of it. Am I just not the kind of girl who can have a one-night fling without feeling filthy? Or am I avoiding him because I lack confidence?—An Amiss Miss

Amiss, my mooncat: Please. Any young lady who to her “own amazement” romps and somersaults herself into wild, giddy, ecstatic, blushing bliss is not allowed to nerd out to Auntie Eeee with witless tosh about feeling “filthy.”

You’re as pure as rainwater, hunny. It was not a “one-night fling.” Why? Because you’re picking up the phone right now and calling the boy. He brings out the best (read: animal) in you. Don’t you know that some people go their whole lives without letting loose? Here’s a lad who’s obviously a good match for you. Yes, it’s scary, but only because you believe you have to frolic on the “wilder” side next and every time after that. You don’t.

P.S. What your best girlfriend said about “working” guys bothers the heck out of me. Women are “empowered” by joy, discipline, drive, ambition, humor, money, compassion, a good wardrobe, and real belief in themselves right down to the core of their spleens…not by—uh, hello!—hooking up.

This letter is from the Ask E. Jean Archive, 1993-2017. Send questions to E. Jean at [email protected].