Do I Tell My Ex-Boyfriend’s Wife I Saw Him With Another Woman?

Dear E. Jean: I ran into my ex-boyfriend today. He and I went out a couple of years ago and now he’s married. His wife is a very sweet, nice person. But the problem is, I saw him with another woman in La Perla. They were buying lingerie for her! What should I do in this sticky situation: call the guy out? Or just keep my mouth shut? —Bothered in the City

Miss Bothered, My Blossom: Call the wife. Many profoundly brilliant women will be outraged by this (they’d tell you it’s none of your business, that you have no idea what’s really going on in the marriage and not to meddle). But I say, make the call. Why?

It is the most generous action you can take. Imagine if the shoe (a white patent Dior pump) was on the other foot. If your husband/fiancé/lover was in a lingerie store shopping for lace panties with another woman, wouldn’t you want to know about it? Is it more genuinely compassionate to let a woman be played for a fool by a cad? Or tell her the facts so she can take intelligent action? In my personal opinion, it is unethical to keep your mouth shut.

This letter is from the Ask E. Jean Archive, 1993-2017. Send questions to E. Jean at [email protected].