How Being a Highly Sensitive Person Affects Me. | Lux Life

So, I thought I’d just do more of a little ‘lifestyle’ post on how it affects me and what exactly goes on in my head at times. The thing is, Sensory Processing Sensitivity isn’t a medical/psychological disorder that can be ‘fixed’, it’s a personality trait that has to be accepted just like any other trait, and apparently up to 20% of the population have it! 

Personally I try and see the good side of my deep thinking and emotions – it makes me a better human, and it makes me a devoted and very loyal friend, partner, and family member. It does mean that I try to please everyone though, which sometimes means I spread myself to thinly. But, I’m a good listener, I genuinely care a lot, I’m great at showing empathy, and I think that’s something to be proud of. Rather than seeing my sensitivity as a flaw, I see it as a strength and a superpower…I try and own my unique way of thinking as much as possible, even if I seems a bit crazy sometimes 😉

Warning: this post will make me sound completely and utterly mad. I PROMISE I’m normal *ahem*, I’m just super sensitive! 

I can’t deal with horror films

Because of the amount of empathy I feel, when I watch horror films, or anything that involves violence and people being hurt/dying, I struggle massively! I literally spend the entire movie – and days after – thinking about the character as if they were a real person and thinking of how that death or violent act would affect their family and friends. My friends used to think I was crazy when I would cry on the floor of the cinema during horror films. It’s been about 15 years since I first watched Thirteen Ghosts, and I will never wear sunglasses indoors because of that film. I’ve also never had a television in my bedroom because of The Ring. Oh, and then there was the time I vomited when watching Battle Royale, and fainted while watching Inglorious Basterds.

Loud noises make me jump and my heart skip a beat

Any time a door shuts unexpectedly, or someone walks behind me, or speaks to me from behind without me knowing they’re there first, or any sort of noise that is a bit loud…I literally jump in fright, gasp in shock, and my heart skips a beat. My mum always used to say I had a ‘nervous disposition’ lol, it’s actually just because I’m a HSP.

I’m the most forgiving person you’ll ever meet

A few of my friends have pointed out over the years that I forgive too easily. The thing is, I think deeply and I think of the good times more than the bad. I think of the good aspects of that person and what they bring to my life, the happiness they’ve made me feel in the past, and even if they’ve done something awful to me, I can’t help but forgive them because maybe they were going through something bad that made them lash out or be cruel to me? Everyone has bad days and makes mistakes, and am I really willing to let a friendship/relationship go just because of a couple of mistakes that person made?

I see the smallest little details that others don’t notice

This happens a lot, but this is a really great recent example:

*Walk into Peter’s mum’s kitchen*

Me “Oh, those decorative black tiles have gone? And the counter-top is new!”

Peter “The counter-top is the same, it’s just the tiles that have gone”

Me “Nah-uh, the counter-top is new”

Peter “Dad is the counter-top new?”

Peter’s Dad “Yes, we changed it”

Peter “Oh”

Me “I told you so”

Peter “But you couldn’t even see the counter top before underneath the tiles!”

Large crowds overwhelm me and I have to escape ASAP

This may seem crazy because I LOVE clubbing, but I actually regularly have to leave clubs when they get too busy as I can’t deal with crowds. I’m that person who gets to a club as soon as it opens and leaves around 2am as soon as it gets too busy. As long as there’s a small amount of space around me I’m fine, but as soon as I can’t move and people are pushing, I literally feel suffocated and really overwhelmed so have to get out ASAP. Same with concerts – I had to leave in the middle of Jay-Z concert once because I couldn’t deal with the crowds pushing and shoving. I’ll happily have a great time and sing and dance and have fun, but when I have to leave, I HAVE to leave.

I feel too deeply

I feel way too deeply about absolutely everything. I’ve lost count of the amount of times people have told me I’m too sensitive and feel too deeply about something. For example I once accidentally broke a glass Christmas ornament and got REALLY upset because all I could think about was the deeper meaning behind it and the person who gave it to me. You actually have no idea how deep this goes (you’ll find out below in the next point), which leads me nicely onto…

The empathy I feel for everything is overwhelming

YES I KNOW I’M CRAZY OK.

Music makes the my hairs stand on end

Certain music makes me cry, other music makes the hairs on my body stand on end, and other music makes me heart literally feel as though it’s soaring. I don’t know why. I always assumed this happened to everyone, but apparently only certain people get this?

I worry about other people’s feelings too much

I often remove myself from a party for a couple of hours

I cry over the smallest things

A beautiful piece of art? Tears. A song that makes me feel deeply? Tears. A film with a scene that is the slightest bit emotional? Tears. A beautiful poem? Tears. A beautiful building or church? Tears. Someone else’s heartbreak? Tears. A dead animal in the road? Tears. (HELLO. WHAT ABOUT IT’S MUM OR PARTNER OR KIDS!)

When I was about 14 years old I once cried and got REALLY upset because we watched a caterpillar fall down a bottomless hole in the ground, and while I was trying to explain to my mum “but what about its family! It’s mum won’t know where it is, or what if it has children?!” she laughed and started singing the Circle of Life to me. Now every time anything like that happens and I start with my ‘Oh no! What about it’s…” my family still sing the Circle of Life at me…despite me being 26 years old.

If someone says something that *could* be a criticism…HA

Even if it isn’t a criticism, and is just a careless comment or observation, I will take it as a criticism and over-think and over-analyse everything about it. It will play on my mind for days/weeks/months and I’ll go into a spiral of self-doubt. Even if I’m driving and another car beeps their horn at me, I panic and think for hours about what I could have done wrong to make them beep at me. On the plus side, this often makes me determined to correct something I think could be the issue, which ultimately makes me better myself.

Likewise, someone else’s mood can affect me massively

I’m really good at reading people, and if I can sense when someone’s mood is off or different than usual, this can rub off on me. So if I can feel that someone is unhappy or pissed off, it makes me automatically assume it’s my fault and because of something I’ve done…even though it isn’t. I then go out of my way to try and right that wrong…when I’ve done no wrong. This sometimes drives people a bit crazy, especially if it’s in a relationship scenario. 

Grief affects me super strongly 

I’m sensitive to weird things 

I can’t do ‘favourites’ and making decisions is a struggle

Same with other decisions, it often takes me forever to choose a new laptop/camera/food in a restaurant, because I’m SO worried a decision will be the wrong decision. I have to research every little thing first (even in a restaurant, I weigh up everything from the ingredients used, to the freshness, where they’re likely to be sourced from, what is the most likely thing that could give me food poisoning, what’s the healthiest option, which item has the least sugar, have I eaten too much red meat already this week, is eating red meat another time going to increase my risk of bowel cancer, etc etc). 

Yes, being me is exhausting.

I love fiercely and am the most loyal person ever

But. Despite all the craziness going on in my brain 24/7, because I feel so deeply I love fiercely, and once you’re friends with me I’m the most loyal person ever. The guilt I feel when I think I’ve let someone down is immense (I once threw champagne over a friend because I was so pissed off at something they said to me, and 3 years later I still think about it often), and I will do everything I can to apologize and make it up to them.